I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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