His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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