If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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