it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
