I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
