Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
