What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
