True but thats because hes a fetus.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
