Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
