Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
