Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
