so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
