census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
