Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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