I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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