Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
