mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
