my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
