After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
