She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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