Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
