We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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