You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
