fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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