get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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