Midget sex pt 2 tonight
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
