Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Jerry, you need to find god
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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