i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
