i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
