Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
