so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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