I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
