I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
