he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
