I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I wish there were birth control emojis
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
