hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
