I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
