I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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