You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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