YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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