I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
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