i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
