Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
My life is pants optional.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
