drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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