Im at strip club and am horny
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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