I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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