I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
