My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Randomize
