Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
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