all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
