Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
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