omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I see more hoeing in ur future
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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