That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
