So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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