I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
