The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
