Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
