Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
