OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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